In 1884, the Tennessee Supreme Court articulated an employment at will doctrine that would eventually be adapted throughout the entire United States (with the sole exception of Montana). With this doctrine, which soon was written into each states’ laws, an employer could dismiss an employee at any time, for any reason, or for no reason. In creating this, the U.S. became, and still remains, an outlier among industrialized nations, even developing nations. In most other countries, employees are viewed as members of the business enterprise, part and parcel to how the organization is viewed by the outside world. In Japan, for example, they go one step further, commonly referring to employees as “members of the family.” But the American version of capitalism clearly puts more value on free enterprise than it does on humanity, security, or happiness. Employees, here, are viewed as part of a machine that creates a product, and thus a profit for the business owners.
Our country was founded on the separation of Church and State, and our nationalized identity has generally floated the difference between treating the Church as an institution that has to (or gets to) function within the laws of the State (most especially concerning how it employs people), or as an institution that can do its own thing without risk of being told its employment practices are illegal (most especially concerning discrimination). The Catholic Church, the Mormon Church, the Baptist Church, and many others flaunt their exclusion and condemnation of gay people, for example, and the State is powerless to stop this. The State’s ambivalence toward protecting employees (it can mandate accessibility, but is hands off when an employee is fired without cause) is the reason why Unions were created and continue to function in the workplace.
But church employees have never been unionized. Unlike professional musicians in orchestras, where union membership is mandatory, church musicians work at the mercy of their employers (the head clergy person) and have to trust that the better aspects of Christian charity prevail. Alas, they often don’t.
By necessity, churches present an image that their respective staffs function as a cohesive, loving unit. Part of the “business” of the Church is pastoral care; and without a loving and supportive religious institution offering that care, and a well-integrated staff to oversee such care, the affect of genuine concern for others falls flat. Church musicians enter the profession because we both seek, and want to give, that “family” connection that the Church fosters and promises. This implies a level of trust by the employee toward the employer. It is only within the spirit of trust and safety that anyone with an artistic bent (e.g. church musicians) can function optimally.
So when the Church repeatedly abandons its role of fostering an internal family, loving, supportive, and kind, and it pulls its trump card (at will employment, fired without cause or reason), trust is broken in a way that has far-reaching consequences for the psyche of the employee. And when a church musician is fired and instructed to remove all belongings within 24 hours, as has happened to me many times, the opportunity to say good-bye to the important relationships formed with choir, staff, and congregation is thwarted. What should end as a celebration of accomplishments is ripped like a scab from a wound, leaving an open sore that creates scars for everyone effected. The work of The Church becomes undermined and lessens The Church’s credibility as a meaningful part of our communities and spiritual lives.
Fantasy without Context
After the collapse of my full time position at the Jesuit Church where I had been working, I was wooed by the rector of an Episcopal church within my local diocese. He was overt in saying that he hoped I would recreate the music program that I had built at my first California post, as he believed I was just the person to put “his” church on the map, so to speak. OK. Ambition isn’t a bad thing, in and of itself, but it’s exceedingly naïve not to realize that only proper contexts can create specific possibilities. Fantasies usually only create frustrations.
There have been many rectors that have shared their unrealistic fantasies with me. (“I want you to turn this place into the California version of Yale Divinity School Chapel.” “I want you to build the Church of the Advent, Boston on the West coast.” “I want you to build something like American Bach Soloists again, so that this church gets put on the map.” “I want you to create a Choir School like in England.” “I want you to do folksy music that I grew up with so that more people will come to church here.”) Each one of these simplistic fantasies fills me with a sense of dread because I know that these clergy don’t actually see me for who I am and what I have to offer a particular place and time. They see me as a means to fulfill their own fantasy, however well-intentioned. When the scales fall from their eyes, they are always disappointed and blame me as the cause of their disappointment.
About eight months into my part-time employment at this church, the Senior Warden joined several of us staff members at a lunch. During this lunch, he spoke about some questionable conduct between the rector and his daughter at a recent church retreat. Perhaps he was doing this in jest, not really complaining but simply making conversation. Perhaps this was a set-up to see if anything would come of it. Whatever his reasoning, the conversation took place a couple decades ago when the climate was extremely unforgiving for inappropriate behavior by the clergy. I did what the handbooks and harassment training had instructed me to do, namely take the matter to my supervisor. But since my supervisor was the one accused, I took the matter to his supervisor, namely the Bishop. (By the way, not reporting potential misconduct is considered a misdemeanor, and sometimes a felony.) I told the Bishop that I didn’t know if this was cause for concern, but I considered it a matter between him and the rector.
I forgot about the issue after that – that is until right after the service on All Saints’ Sunday when the rector called me into his office and informed me that I was fired and needed to clean out my office that afternoon. Citing “at will employment,” he had no explanation for broadsiding me without the slightest hint that anything was amiss. Lawyers got involved. The bogus complaints that their lawyer claimed, such as stating that my demands for a perfectly functioning organ had damaged the relationship between their organ maintenance company and the church (!!!), made it clear that this was a cowardly act of retribution and vindication for my having been a whistle-blower.
There have probably been millions of firings of whistle-blowers over the centuries, and in this country, most of those have hidden behind “at will employment.” But, as I implied earlier, these are far more egregious within the context of The Church which requires of its musicians not only their time and talent, but their heart and their trust.
As a final testament to the gross baseness of this church and this lawyer’s inhumanity, they had a courier hand-deliver a letter threatening me with a lawsuit at 5:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas, indeed.
Drunken Jealousy
To say that an episode like this hardened my heart is an understatement. How could it not? Musicians have no protection from indiscriminate firings in the church; we have no union. I am a member of Local 6, the Musician’s Union of San Francisco, but the Church doesn’t care about such matters of the real world, except for its unconditional use of “at will employment.”
I was in my late 40s when this particular firing took place, a time when identity is completely wrapped up with career; and I had invested far too much of my time, heart, and talent into helping the Church build its image within society. I could not walk away from employment within the Church, even if I realized that it was crucial that I not make the Church my only source of income.
I began working at a small church in the city of San Francisco with a nice organ and a congregation that loved good music. It was a small job, and quite a long way from my days as a cathedral musician, but I thought it would serve the function of keeping me connected to the Episcopal Church, making good music, playing a lovely organ, and being happy. I decided to create a Bach Vespers series, combining volunteer players and singers to do a Bach cantata within the context of a Sunday Vespers service. It was a big hit! The very first week of this (Advent Sunday) packed the church. Sadly, its very success became my downfall.
I had known that the rector of this church had a very serious alcohol problem, but I never worried that it would effect me in any way. But shortly after Christmas, he left a drunken message on my home answering machine, demanding that I come in to meet with him as soon as possible. When I arrived, he had already contacted the Senior Warden to serve as a witness (standard protocol in Church polity) and immediately fired me. I asked him why, and he replied: “California is an at-will employment state. I’m not required to tell you. You need to clean out of your office, and turn over your keys, today.”
Months later I discovered the two likely causes of the firing: He was seething with jealousy (exacerbated by his alcoholism) over the success of the Bach Vespers – which had replaced his usual Advent Lessons & Carols (which brought in an average attendance of six people). Also, one of the volunteer sopranos in the choir, who felt very territorial of her role (which she believed gave her license to show up 20 – 30 minutes late for every rehearsal) had come to him in tears because I had given “her” solo (the first stanza of “Once in royal David’s City”) to a boy soprano! Since she was a major donor to this church, the rector chose to throw me under the bus.
I didn’t have any money to sue, but I firmly believe employers need to understand that wrongful termination goes against God’s laws, even if the State chooses to ignore it. So I checked a book out of the library on how to press charges without a lawyer. Knowing that California’s anemic employment laws only support employers, I figured it might not go very far, but at least I could rattle a cage. I was trapped inside the cage known as The Church, which itself was protected by an even larger cage known as The State’s employment laws.
The Diocesan lawyer called me to his office for a deposition, a loathsome prospect, to say the least. But I made my case known to this lawyer in such a convincing fashion that he opted to call the rector in to his office and mediate a session of forgiveness. At that mediation session, he told the rector, while I was sitting there, that the next time he wants to get rid of somebody, he needs to come up with a better way to do so. The case was then dropped by me, a close friendship developed with the lawyer, and a small donation was made, by the church, to the Association of Anglican Musicians’ (AAM) fund to aid colleagues needing legal support.
You could say that it ended well; and on the surface of things, it ended with the best outcome that it could. But I had had multiple firings by this time in my life (with the ultimate one poised to finally end my career in church music about 15 years later). Each chipped away at my trust and my commitment to The Church. And each was unique in the type of pain it caused.
One of the ramifications of this employment history was that I now seem to be blacklisted against future employment within this diocese. Numerous times after this last incident, 15 years ago, I applied for positions within the Episcopal Church and would discover that I was suddenly dropped from their Search process.
I was left with no option other than to look for work outside of the hierarchical churches of Catholicism and Anglicanism, in my freelance work, in my nonprofit founding, in recording and touring, and as an organist in several reformed congregations. Those outlets saved me from becoming bitter even if they merely covered over the scars that I had developed from previous woundings.
Consciousness vs. Unconsciousness
When people do unconscionable things, such as denying the humanity and dignity of another person by treating them as if they are cogs in a wheel whose only purpose is to advance the whole, they are acting out of unconsciousness. Not physical unconsciousness; emotional and spiritual unconsciousness. They are replaying former hurts and insecurities; they are a product of their conditioning, lacking in Awareness. As such one can forgive their unconsciousness and ignorance. (Jesus said “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”)
But this forgiveness only works if we understand what forgiveness is and isn’t. It most definitely does not mean to pretend like the abuse did not happen. It does not mean to put the matter “away” and not process the feelings that were generated by the hurt. It doesn’t mean to pretend to feel good about the persons that perpetrated the abuse. It doesn’t mean that every possible step shouldn’t be taken to change the system that gives abusers free license to damage lives without consequence. It doesn’t mean the abuser needs to be told that s/he is forgiven. The Christian Church throughout the ages has done tremendous psychological damage to countless wreaked lives by a naïve understanding of what it means to “turn the other cheek.”
Forgiveness means reaching the point where one no longer identifies unconscious acts with the people who commit these. Unconscious acts most definitely have ramifications for the perpetrators. “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.” The law of karma is also the law of physics (Newton’s third law) – “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” There is no escaping this. Christian grace does not reverse the laws of physics.
The Church has had many mystics (such as Hildegard von Bingen and Meister Eckhart) and social revolutionaries (such as Martin Luther King) that have kept it from becoming an irrelevant institution, but the vast majority of clergy working in The Church (or more aptly, as The Church) function without consciousness. Otherwise why would there be so many wounded in my profession?
To be continued…